"It was like being an alien from another planet," explained Michal Maoz, a native of Israel. "It was like I was put on this earth as an experiment as to how to get along with the human species. I didn't exactly know the language, or have the skill and ability to express myself to others.
"I didn't know why," she added. "It was so lonely."
Her world, she readily admits, is, however, getting better all the time.
Maoz is now 36 and happily married to husband Itzik. The partners for life also have two children, both of whom have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, considered a mild form of autism.
It was shortly after her first baby was born, about six years ago, that a doctor's analysis proved Maoz suffered from the same disorder. Amazing as it may seem, the news, as her grin indicated on Friday afternoon, gave her tremendous relief.
"I used to feel so alone, unlike anyone else, but when I was diagnosed, I was so glad," she said. "I wasn't shocked. My first thought was, 'Finally, there's a name to this thing, and it's called Asperger's.' That's when I knew I wasn't all by myself, that others were going through the same thing."
Before that enlightenment, Maoz chose to express herself as a child with poetry, while also dabbling in the construction of jewelry.
And, about four years ago, she began painting. All were attempts to describe those insecurities about such alienation to the public.
Thanks to The TSETSE Gallery, Maoz and others with varying degrees of autism now have their artwork on display in the smallish but quaint downtown building at 101 Orange St. Owner Therese Lavallee, who hails from Pawtucket, chose to highlight such work during the months of June and July after being asked to showcase one by officials and members of The Autism Project of Rhode Island.
Simply put, the presentation is entitled "One Out of 150 Children is Diagnosed with Autism," and is co-sponsored by The Autism Project and Gateway Healthcare, also of Pawtucket.
To her credit, she hasn't only brought about autism awareness, but also played a role in some of this artwork being sold. Other artists include Roon Das, a 24-year-old from Mansfield, Mass. who initially had been diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder/Not Otherwise Specified (PDD/NOS) but later with mild autism; and Andrew Randall, 21, of Seekonk, who according to his mother, Jan, is on the moderate to severe line of the spectrum.
Jan Randall knows of what she speaks, as she works as a resource specialist for Community Autism Resources in Swansea.
"Our goal is to get the community to come in here and have the chance to understand who their neighbors really are," said Lavallee, a New Hampshire native who moved her gallery here about 13 years ago. "The point is that artists are artists. It doesn't matter whether they have disabilities or disabilities.
"With almost all of our shows, the community comes in and tells us what they want to see," she added. "At that point, I do some research and try to contact key players in that given organization to best represent them ... Each project's goal is to educate the public on different social issues.
"We want to be a voice for the unheard," she added. "The big thing is boosting these artists' self-confidence. Every time there's a new show in here, you can see it in their eyes, not just the artists but their parents and families as well. Sometimes, it brings tears to my eyes. Two days after a showing, my husband Paul has to listen to me say, 'That was the best show ever!' and it feels that way. What we're trying to do is bring as many art lovers as possible in here and view things they're unaccustomed to seeing. It's all about building acceptance and deleting prejudice (of those with disabilities)."
***
For those who may not understand, Autism Spectrum Disorder
consists of a number of characteristics, and children are usually
diagnosed with such at about age three.
They include delayed or no speech (inability to converse); aloof
or "tuned-out" behavior; extremely high or low activity level;
limited interest in people; unusual body movements (stimming);
needing routine; fright or stimulation by certain sounds, sights,
tastes or smells; minimal awareness of danger; emotional variances
(unexplained laughing, anger or sadness); and inability to engage
in age-appropriate activities or skills).
Parents Ashim and Tali Das discovered when Roon was five that he
had autism tendencies, but -- with perseverence and work with the
Groden Center -- he graduated from Bradley Hospital's
Developmental Disability Unit in East Providence two years ago.
"Believe it or not, he didn't get involved with artwork of any
kind until about the time he graduated," said dad Ashim. "One of
the staff members came to the house one day, and he had a
background in art. He just looked at Roon and said, 'Let's try
painting.' He jumped right into it, and it was a total surprise.
"Last year, he had a show at the Attleboro Art Musuem, and he sold
mostly prints of this work," he added. "He's sold several prints
for about $1,700. It's unbelievable how this has raised his
self-esteem."
The younger Das, always brimming with enthusiasm, has five
paintings on display at TSETSE (pronounced TEETSEE), including
stunning works of the Hubbard Glacier in Alaska; the "Roon
Express" (given his fascination with trains, that's no surprise);
and "Fall Foliage." The former two are listed at $450, the latter
at $250, all for good reason.
Randall's work -- made of acryllic mixed with sand -- is more
abstract but nevertheless powerful with its varying depths. Of his
eight creations hanging from the gallery walls, his "Night Time
Sky" has already sold for $90 (since Opening Night on June 14) and
one still untitled, featuring deep violet and iridescent greens
and yellows implying a rush of movement in the deep ocean, could
sell for $140.
"I want that one," Lavallee laughed.
"I've been working with Andrew since October, and his paintings
are amazing," said Carrie Sandman, a 25-year-old Westport resident
who frequently treks to Seekonk to mentor him. "The sand makes the
paint thicker and gives it more texture so he can moreorless build
it, making it come off the canvas. He has his own technique, and I
understand what he's trying to do."
Stated Andrew's mom: "He's been painting for two years now, and I
can tell he's extremely proud of his work. His grandfather and
sister are both artists, and he loves the ideas he's like them."
***
The gallery's most significant showcase, however, belongs to Maoz.
She has over 40 items on exhibit, between her necklaces and
bracelets, paintings and poems. One such artwork, called "The
Mask," shows a teen-age girl's tearing up, with a theater-like
mask of a slightly bigger size painted over her left eye.
She said it depicts her feeling of being inadequate over the
years.
Another entitled "My Reflection" shows a figure apparently looking
into a mirror with left arm extended, indicating, in essence,
'Look at me!' The reflection, though, expresses sorrow, head bowed
against a brick wall.
A poem goes with it, and reads this way:
"Looking through the mirror into life,
A prisoner of my own creation!
Realizing that the monster, I have made
Kisnapped my soul and lived my life
All those years without suspicion,
While I was in there choking, Crying to get out, praying to be
seen ...
Life has continued
And twenty years have passed, As I was suspended, Standing still
in the past,
Peeking into the present through
A looking glass
I once thought could reflect my
True image, but instead
All it showed was the face
Of the monster, I have made!
Now trapped in a body
That is no longer my own
I have to break out!
I am dying in here!
Scared to show the world
What I am really all about, But scared even more
To let the other "me" stay
And let myself disappear!"
"This painting shows the two people I have become," Maoz said.
"The true personality that has been locked up and the one I have
created for myself and 'wore' as a mask for over 20 years.
"This is my first time exhibiting my work, and it's been
overwhelming," she added. "My inspiration is my children, and the
things I see outside as to what it happening. I see a world that
doesn't understand our situation, being with autism. The world
needs understanding and awareness of this, and I'm willing to
stand up and teach."
Maoz meant just that. On Friday afternoon, following another
public display of all the works, she spoke to a couple dozen
people about how those with autism feel trapped. The feelings are
there, but the ability to express them isn't.
"With this gallery, I definitely feel like the message is getting
out. I see how the public has read what I have written and really
looked at the jewelry and the paintings," she said. "People are
listening to my explanations, and I've seen them come back to get
more knowledge. They've continually thanked me. I was invited to
come back and give another speech in late July, and I definitely
will. I'm looking forward to it."
For more information on the exhibit or what the TSETSE Gallery
offers, call (401) 453-3337. For those seeking knowledge about
autism, in Rhode Island, call The Autism Project of Rhode Island
at (401) 785-2666, and -- in Massachusetts -- call (508) 379-0371.